“Loss” - the baggage of pain

 

Losing (for death) someone always remains a pain. By the time I lost my mother I came to terms with the loss. But it was my father’s death that pained me a lot. I never counted years, but it lasted for long. During the lockdown, I could not perform the yearly ritual of remembering. I am not sure why I signed up for a course that talked about these aspects. During the course when I was asked if could find any picture or memorabilia of my father to my strange feeling, I could answer I have only memories of my father but any evidence for that (in terms of picture etc., though it sounds strange I never had any picture with my entire family). It occurred to me later what if due to age, I may not be able to keep those memories intact?

Strangely the baggage I carried for long about my father’s death slowly started becoming a memory rather unforgettably memory. Suddenly I started watching “Piku” and “Waiting (2015). Started reflecting but could not figure out why is that I carried the baggage of pain. Much later, I chanced up attending an online session of the author Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi about his book “Loss”. I got the book and read it twice and attended another session with the author. Reading various aspects of loss and the way one gets into the pain due to loss etc., made me understand and come to terms with my loss. I carry my fond memories of my parents without carrying the baggage of pain.